Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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