The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
