I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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