I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
