Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
