And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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