Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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