I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
