Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
