you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
