There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
