If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
