dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
