For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
