please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
