i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
