im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it because I queefed?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize