Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
