why didn't you poke me back
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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