the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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