We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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