Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
