therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
