No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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