Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
handjob tips. give me some.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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