I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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