i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She told me I should be a condom model.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
