did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
