yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
