After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
