i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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