I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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