Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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