dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
