Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
