After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
