She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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