the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize