i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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