Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
