so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
