This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
