Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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