You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
