my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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