so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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