careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize