woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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