Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
