dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
