I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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