so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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