Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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