There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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