I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
