Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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