And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
