I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
