Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
