Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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