i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
