She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
