She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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