My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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