Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
