Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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