Rock
Scissors
Fuck
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize