Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
