I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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