when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize