Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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