She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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