I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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