"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
