He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize