So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
