Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Couch. On fire.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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