JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
