I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
