Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
