i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
