Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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