I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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