Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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