i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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