We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
