Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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