found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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