***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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