She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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