ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
