Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
