i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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