READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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