Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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